I'm leaving

23/05/2008, 22:00 (EAT)
Jomo Kenyatta International Airport
Nairobi, Kenya

What can I say... First of all, after 2 double shots of Smirnoff vodka that Muhiu, Muli and Phil have pumped in me, I'm definitely not sure about anything around me. I'm at Gate 8 already, 40 minutes remaining to boarding. It's quite boring. It's good that I'm not sober, at least I've stopped crying. I'm just following the signs, not thinking anymore.

The past few hours have been the hardest ones ever in my life. And I know it's not over yet. I'll have a nice sleep to Zurich, then an exciting 90 minutes to Budapest, then after that... The confusion. Where am I? Who am I? What am I doing in Hungary again??? I hope I'm getting some answers over the next 13 months... Coz that's what am going to do in Hungary. Looking for those answers.

Haha, pole sana, I'm not sober, I've warned you in advance! I'm trying to concentrate but it's not easy at this moment. Can't wait to board, I want to sleep.

My past 2 days have been amazing. Farewell paryt on Wednesday evening, nice chillout stuff. Thursday - running around, doing some shopping, MC photos in the afternoon, nyama choma and MC-MCe team bonding. Emma slept at my place that night - packing, chocolate, salt&vinegar crisps, stories... I slept 4 hours. Morning - Nairobi Safari Walk. I wish I had discovered this place earlier. For 300 bobs you get the perfection of silence, peace and tranquility. It causes a state of mind when you get totally clear. When you don't have any thoughts. It helped a lot. Then town, Hurlingham, meeting with Joram - transition meeting about the AIESEC - Wylde International relationship. Chocolate cake, Alvaro, plain chips. Home - packing, crying, R&B, packing, and crying. An sms from Tess: "I miss you already. I can't believe this number is not going through from tomorrow."

I'm about to cry again. Oh gosh, it's not fair. Why is it that you create home again and again and again?

Funny enough, I feel myself to be closer to myself. I mean I know what I want. And I listen to my instincts. Home has become a state of mind. Instincts are friends. Time is working for me. Every step I take makes sense.

But it's hard to understand and it's hard to accept. Especially not that I'm leaving my friends behind. People who I love and for who I'd do anything. But then again: geographical distance can be translated as a matter of time. And time is my friend. It tracks progress. In each relationship in life, there is a progress. So distance, as a matter of time, helps me to make my relationships grow...

...

Cadbury's Old Jamaica. An sms from Dani. Positive thoughts - everything happens for a reason. I feel much better now, the vodka is kinda going away. I'm just terribly sleepy. 5 minutes left...

Kenya... I'm coming back soon. Kwaheri.