from left to right: Rado, Bence, Kicsi, Viki and DevhThursday, June 26, 2008
Freestyler
Introducing my MC team for 2008/2009... :)
from left to right: Rado, Bence, Kicsi, Viki and Devh
from left to right: Rado, Bence, Kicsi, Viki and Devh
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Don't lie
later on... 7.30pm
I've just got home an hour ago, and I'm extremely tired. I think at this moment I have less energy than a dead mosquito. In addition, the feeling of being lost just doesn't find to go away, it's actually getting worse and worse each day. I know crying doesn't solve anything, but for now I don't have any better idea...
I have not been thinking at all over the past 2 weeks about what's happening with me, I've just jumped into my new tasks and responsibilities and I'm trying to do all very well. Since I'm back I haven't even taken a whole day off just to avoid thinking. I've got a feedback that I'm talking too much about Kenya, so now I'm killing myself trying to keep those thoughts to myself. I feel disconnected and torn out from my world. And I hate that everyone's asking me: "So how is being at home?" coz I don't feel at home at all. Things seem to be familiar to a certain extent, of course, but I feel like an alien.
I miss speaking Swahili, I miss Nairobi's streets, I miss Kenyan public transportation, I can't find normal fries anywhere... I miss the Kenyan openess and sense of humor. And the bananas here taste terrible.
And I feel I'm not allowed to talk about this all, I have to be smiling and balanced. I have to be happy that I'm here. When I feel down, I just pretend being tired, I run away and hide somewhere.
Before I left from Kenya, I had an online chat with Matthias and he told me the following:
"... understand that it's totally fine and ok that you have these feelings and you are allowed to be strange :) don't try to stop yourself too much either."
Just to underline this statement, I have found some training material on reverse culture shock. At least it seems I'm "normal" - it's good to know...
http://www.larissa-becker.de/reverse_culture_shock.html
The ten top immediate reentry challenges
- Boredom. The excitements and challenges of the host country are gone.
- ”No one wants to hear”. Everybody deals with his/her own concerns (the ”uncle Charlie syndrome”)
- Difficulties to explain coherently what really happened. Those who listen don’t have the frame of reference or travel background to understand.
- Reverse ”home” sickness. Feelings of being lost and lonely.
- The relationships at home have changed. The returnees as well as those who stayed at home have altered.
- Some people don’t appreciate the changes of the returnees. This may be caused by jealousy, fear, or feelings of superiority or inferiority.
- People misunderstand. They interpret words and actions. Humor may be understood as sarcasm, an offer to help as criticism, the expression of affection as ”showing off”.
- Feelings of alienation. The feeling of being ”back home” is not as natural or enjoyable as expected.
- Inability to apply new knowledge and skills. Lack of opportunities to apply the newly gained social, linguistic, and practical coping skills.
- Compartmentalization and loss of experience. The pressures of job, school, family, friends, often combined, may contribute to a feeling of loosing the experiences.
Symptoms of Reverse Culture Shock
Challenge to self-concept:
- torn between two cultures
- loss of national identity
- changed behavior
- changed ideas and values
- changed way of thinking
- international experience has to be integrated in the day-to-day realities of life in the home country without compromising important values acquired in the home country
I've just got home an hour ago, and I'm extremely tired. I think at this moment I have less energy than a dead mosquito. In addition, the feeling of being lost just doesn't find to go away, it's actually getting worse and worse each day. I know crying doesn't solve anything, but for now I don't have any better idea...
I have not been thinking at all over the past 2 weeks about what's happening with me, I've just jumped into my new tasks and responsibilities and I'm trying to do all very well. Since I'm back I haven't even taken a whole day off just to avoid thinking. I've got a feedback that I'm talking too much about Kenya, so now I'm killing myself trying to keep those thoughts to myself. I feel disconnected and torn out from my world. And I hate that everyone's asking me: "So how is being at home?" coz I don't feel at home at all. Things seem to be familiar to a certain extent, of course, but I feel like an alien.
I miss speaking Swahili, I miss Nairobi's streets, I miss Kenyan public transportation, I can't find normal fries anywhere... I miss the Kenyan openess and sense of humor. And the bananas here taste terrible.
And I feel I'm not allowed to talk about this all, I have to be smiling and balanced. I have to be happy that I'm here. When I feel down, I just pretend being tired, I run away and hide somewhere.
Before I left from Kenya, I had an online chat with Matthias and he told me the following:
"... understand that it's totally fine and ok that you have these feelings and you are allowed to be strange :) don't try to stop yourself too much either."
Just to underline this statement, I have found some training material on reverse culture shock. At least it seems I'm "normal" - it's good to know...
http://www.larissa-becker.de/reverse_culture_shock.html
The ten top immediate reentry challenges
- Boredom. The excitements and challenges of the host country are gone.
- ”No one wants to hear”. Everybody deals with his/her own concerns (the ”uncle Charlie syndrome”)
- Difficulties to explain coherently what really happened. Those who listen don’t have the frame of reference or travel background to understand.
- Reverse ”home” sickness. Feelings of being lost and lonely.
- The relationships at home have changed. The returnees as well as those who stayed at home have altered.
- Some people don’t appreciate the changes of the returnees. This may be caused by jealousy, fear, or feelings of superiority or inferiority.
- People misunderstand. They interpret words and actions. Humor may be understood as sarcasm, an offer to help as criticism, the expression of affection as ”showing off”.
- Feelings of alienation. The feeling of being ”back home” is not as natural or enjoyable as expected.
- Inability to apply new knowledge and skills. Lack of opportunities to apply the newly gained social, linguistic, and practical coping skills.
- Compartmentalization and loss of experience. The pressures of job, school, family, friends, often combined, may contribute to a feeling of loosing the experiences.
Symptoms of Reverse Culture Shock
Challenge to self-concept:
- torn between two cultures
- loss of national identity
- changed behavior
- changed ideas and values
- changed way of thinking
- international experience has to be integrated in the day-to-day realities of life in the home country without compromising important values acquired in the home country
Sitting down here
1.30am
Let me share an extract from one of my emails to Leah - I think it describes a lot about my current state of mind:
"... I’m just missing Kenya very much – and it’s not a cliché or something, but deeply. I mean first of all, it is very strange what kind of social values I got in Kenya which are really different in Hungary and I get annoyed by them every day. (like people in Hungary seem to be much more money oriented, much more individualistic, public affection is totally accepted, girls are wearing extremely short skirts and generally cloths which are not covering too much parts of their bodies, etc..) I keep on talking on mixed English and Swahili and I’m wondering why people don’t understand me, I am late by around 20 minutes from all my meetings, I can’t adjust to the bus schedules (I have serious issues with this one) and I keep on talking about Kenya and Kenya and Kenya all the time, I was told recently that it’s getting to be too much for my environment… and these are only a few examples."
Besides all, am doing quite well. I'm just busy with all transition, trainings and work and I feel really tired at the end of each day. And this way I find it really hard to communicate with anyone... It's really annoying. I hate being disconnected.
And I've got a cold... again. I feel sometimes it'd never stop.
On Sunday we're going to Serbia for a week with my new team. We decided to have the MC planning there coz Rado needs to go back to get his visa finally. It'll be cool - 5 days with the boys :)
I'll write more later, but now I still feel a bit lost and confused - and right now I don't have time to clear up my thoughts. And frankly speaking it's better this way at the moment.
Let me share an extract from one of my emails to Leah - I think it describes a lot about my current state of mind:
"... I’m just missing Kenya very much – and it’s not a cliché or something, but deeply. I mean first of all, it is very strange what kind of social values I got in Kenya which are really different in Hungary and I get annoyed by them every day. (like people in Hungary seem to be much more money oriented, much more individualistic, public affection is totally accepted, girls are wearing extremely short skirts and generally cloths which are not covering too much parts of their bodies, etc..) I keep on talking on mixed English and Swahili and I’m wondering why people don’t understand me, I am late by around 20 minutes from all my meetings, I can’t adjust to the bus schedules (I have serious issues with this one) and I keep on talking about Kenya and Kenya and Kenya all the time, I was told recently that it’s getting to be too much for my environment… and these are only a few examples."
Besides all, am doing quite well. I'm just busy with all transition, trainings and work and I feel really tired at the end of each day. And this way I find it really hard to communicate with anyone... It's really annoying. I hate being disconnected.
And I've got a cold... again. I feel sometimes it'd never stop.
On Sunday we're going to Serbia for a week with my new team. We decided to have the MC planning there coz Rado needs to go back to get his visa finally. It'll be cool - 5 days with the boys :)
I'll write more later, but now I still feel a bit lost and confused - and right now I don't have time to clear up my thoughts. And frankly speaking it's better this way at the moment.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Rome wasn't built in a day
02/06/2008
Budapest, Hungary
It's not that I have stopped writing, not at all - simply that my past one week has been crazy and I still hardly can find some time to do anything besides MC transition.
Clearly it's not the time to relax - and though I knew it from the very beginning, it's quite confusing and tiring now. Just like when arriving to Kenya, am extremely inefficient and lacking of concentration. I need some time to get back to "normal". I'm not actually defining my way at this moment, rather flowing with the stream. But that's ok, it'll change after a while.
Being in Hungary again... It's really different from anything I have expected. I am going through the same cultural integration experience as if I was an international here, and it's quite funny to watch myself with an outsider's eyes now. Coz I have already seen it all once. And I know what is going to happen. I also know how to handle most of the things, though of course, the approach should be different, adjusted to the local realities and environment. I'm getting to be rather curious than scared.
However, I have many challenges with switching between my current (Kenyan) and coming (Hungarian) roles. I'm not fulfilling neither of them well at this moment. And this actually annoys me a lot, I feel I'm not living up to my own expectations. But it's ok. Patience. That is the key word.
Having Dani in my life has been really helpful recently. I've learnt to appreciate more what I have, and learnt to be more patient. He keeps me going and makes me believe. If all goes well, I'll see him in July... I really want it to happen!
I'm sitting now outside of the MC office. This place is quite quiet, good for reflection. I'm waiting for Petra, we have a meeting at 6pm. Then we'll hook up with Ági at 8.30pm. I'm happy to have her around again.
Szaki has left to Jordan yesterday. It's such a strange feeling - it's his turn now. And Maso is applying for an internship in Australia, having his interview tomorrow. If he makes it, he's gonna leave in July. 4 friends in 3 countries again... But it somehow connects us instead of tearing us apart from each other. It's good the way it is.
Tomorrow I'll finally have a free day - I shall find out how to self-coordinate my life from now on again.
Reflect. Focus. Play the game.
Budapest, Hungary
It's not that I have stopped writing, not at all - simply that my past one week has been crazy and I still hardly can find some time to do anything besides MC transition.
Clearly it's not the time to relax - and though I knew it from the very beginning, it's quite confusing and tiring now. Just like when arriving to Kenya, am extremely inefficient and lacking of concentration. I need some time to get back to "normal". I'm not actually defining my way at this moment, rather flowing with the stream. But that's ok, it'll change after a while.
Being in Hungary again... It's really different from anything I have expected. I am going through the same cultural integration experience as if I was an international here, and it's quite funny to watch myself with an outsider's eyes now. Coz I have already seen it all once. And I know what is going to happen. I also know how to handle most of the things, though of course, the approach should be different, adjusted to the local realities and environment. I'm getting to be rather curious than scared.
However, I have many challenges with switching between my current (Kenyan) and coming (Hungarian) roles. I'm not fulfilling neither of them well at this moment. And this actually annoys me a lot, I feel I'm not living up to my own expectations. But it's ok. Patience. That is the key word.
Having Dani in my life has been really helpful recently. I've learnt to appreciate more what I have, and learnt to be more patient. He keeps me going and makes me believe. If all goes well, I'll see him in July... I really want it to happen!
I'm sitting now outside of the MC office. This place is quite quiet, good for reflection. I'm waiting for Petra, we have a meeting at 6pm. Then we'll hook up with Ági at 8.30pm. I'm happy to have her around again.
Szaki has left to Jordan yesterday. It's such a strange feeling - it's his turn now. And Maso is applying for an internship in Australia, having his interview tomorrow. If he makes it, he's gonna leave in July. 4 friends in 3 countries again... But it somehow connects us instead of tearing us apart from each other. It's good the way it is.
Tomorrow I'll finally have a free day - I shall find out how to self-coordinate my life from now on again.
Reflect. Focus. Play the game.
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