I have so much thoughts and feelings on my mind, I don't even know where to start. November was the toughest month of my term so far, and honestly speaking it was one of the toughest months in my life. I experienced what I hadn't expected: my batteries ran low, and even though I managed to re-charge them a little bit time by time, that was not sufficient on the long-run, and I got totally exhausted. I don't remember anything like this from before, I got to level which was too much, I simply stepped on my limits. By around 20-25th November I was actually panicking constantly.
And on 25th I finally took a flight to Brussels... I was actually going for the Global Talent Management Unit meeting in Rotterdam, but I spent a night before in Brussels, to see some friends there.
Some notes from there:
26th November 2008, 8.46am, on a train from Brussels to Rotterdam
Sometimes I get so lost in what I am doing at a point of time, that I tend to forget about the world around myself. I actually tend to forget about myself. And here comes one thing which I extremely much love about my life - it is totally random and unexpected, and I create such kind of situations often enough that will help again facing my own self and get me back to my basics.
It's really hard to put in words how I feel at the moment...
Last week I had nightmares because of the stress I had. As on Saturday I finished with some major tasks I had, I started to feel slightly better, then a talk with Devh on Monday put things into a different perspective than I had had before, letting me feel ways better. And now...
Yesterday was the first time after 6 months that I flew again. I arrived to Brussels by around 7pm, then my friend, Vish picked me up, to spend my few hours in the city with him. The whole thing just turned out to be amazing. We went for a "social gathering", celebrating the birthday of another very good friend of mine, Vincent. I was kind of a birthday suprise for him, we both didn't know I would be there. And to make the whole event even nicer, I met 3 other friends of mine, who I haven't seen for 1.5 years by now...
After the dinner Vish took me for a "Brussels city tour". As we left from the restaurant at around 10, we had to manage the whole thing in the night, and it turned out to be the best idea ever. Vish decided he wanted to make my few hours there the most intense possible, and i swear, he made it :)
We walked around, he showed me all the most popular and interesting places, we went to everywhere, walked around, touched everything and all that... Most interestingly, we popped into a lights show, on the Grande Place, where a "light DJ" was trying out the Christmas lights for the Place which was simply amazing, not something to describe with words. Then we ended up at a shisha place, smoking melon waterpipe, drinking tea, laying on pillows and talking about many many things... I think we both had our most relaxed evening of the past few weeks at least. Then we got back to his place, and continued the relaxation with some nice music and tea on the couch of his living room.
I felt so extremely relaxed and slowed down.
And this is my current state of mind as well. I'm relaxed and happy. And now on my way to Rotterdam, for some work, but in a really different way than i have had in the past times... Lets see. Batteries too low now...
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1st December 2008, 12.43pm, on the train from Rotterdam to Brussels
20 minutes left on my battery, again...
I don't know what to feel or think at the moment. Have just got through some extremely exciting times over the past one week, and my mind is yet to process all the thoughts and impressions that i've got.
One thing i am completely sure of: it was worth to have this week the way it was. I had really needed to travel and get into a new environment, so as to take some rest, switch my mind off from the daily rush, and to experience something totally out of the box. And that's been the concept of the past week actually: we started each day at about 10am, and finished at around 8-9pm. In between there was a lot of space for super interesting discussions and arguements, for bonding, and enjoying the given moments.
It's interesting how different it gets to be working in a virtual team, and actually meeting this team. I have much more respect towards all my team mates now, and not only respect but a sense of belonging and interdependence. Finally the feeling of working towards the same goals, together. And what's even more interesting, is that the 11 of us are coming from 11 totally different backgrounds, still, we have the same understanding on many points, and we want to head towards the same direction.
I'm not yet sure what I will take home from this whole experience...
I have discovered many old-new things about myself, have had the chance to work in a 100% multiculture team physically, had amazing discussions over many points and have had the chance to work on global strategies, give inputs for the future and all in all, make an impact on the organization.
Really don't know what to say or think at the moment. I'm satisfied and confused at the same time. But in a fulfilling way :)
Now, on my long way home... Nice time for reflection, though certainly not enough.
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1st December 2008, 4.49pm, Brussels Charleroi Airport
Well, am already here. 2.5 hours and I'm back in Budapest. How confusing that is...
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I realized I'm addicted to flying. Every time the plane takes off with me, I feel happy and relaxed. And every time I have the chance to discover a new place, I get excited and feel being a part of the world. It refreshes my mind, keeps awake my senses, and keeps me challenged.
After getting back to Hungary, the last drops of stress had to come out in the format of drunken tears during a conference, then, again, a weekend of hedonism and relaxation came, partially with my team in Tokaj, then with my boyfriend in Frankfurt.
I am extremely energized now. I am excited about everything, surprisingly even about my exams! I feel like being a different person. Got back all the positive thoughts and energy, I could turn the world upside down just for fun. Got back my willingness to do things, my motivation to go on.
Today I met a really old friend of mine, Soma on my way to the office. I don't know why but the smile I got from this encounter stuck on my face for the whole day, and it really made a difference. I went to do some shopping, then I visited Andris (another old friend, and my future flatmate) at their newly-born juice and sandwich bar. The one hour I spent their with the boys (Andris, Mitsuki and Hackli) was so much fun. I'm still smiling :)
"Or all the above oh how I love you see you smiling
And oh yeah take a little pain just in case
You need something warm to embrace
To help you put on a smilin face, hey, put on a smilin face"
