Turkey - lost and found

"At this moment I'm sitting on the roof of a youth hostel in Istanbul with a bunch of AIESECers from all over the world (Venezuela, Columbia, Panama, Uganda, Rwanda, ...), just finished smoking shisha (waterpipe) and playing backgamon, and now listening to some nice music. We're in Istanbul's old town, very close to the Blue Mosque and Hagia Sophia and we even have a view on the sea from here the top roof bar. That's how life should be."

Right after I wrote these words down my computer started to function as a music centre, so I could continue the post only a few days later. Now I'm back home in Nairobi, sitting in my room, drinking coffee and enjoying my evening. Yes - back HOME in Nairobi. This is one of my biggest learning points from the last 2 weeks: my home is Nairobi at the moment and it will be for the next 10 months. And I feel at home here. I like it.

I remember telling the new AIESECers all the time: after every 3 months in a leadership role you feel your life has been turned upside down and you're a new person. Na, I've just realized I had my 3 months passing by the 1st September. And yess, I definitely feel that my life has been turned upside down and I'm a new person now.
As a first thought, my perception on what AIESEC is all about has totally changed again. 2 years ago Oksana told me: she's getting a deeper understanding and a new perspective on AIESEC every year she takes up a new role in the organization. Now I understand what she meant by saying this. Especially after an IC experience. Now I understand why a company wants to partner with AIESEC for 30 years or more. Now I understand the real relevance of this organization, not only on its members but on all its stakeholders around. On our parents, our partners, our alumni, our friends, and on the whole world around us. If someone really gets what AIESEC is all about, the reasons behind its existance, that person will not be the same anymore. That person starts to discover himself, to discover the world and the beauties around and gets new perspectives on the essence of life. At least this is the way I see the impact of AIESEC now.

Another very important thing I learnt is about my relationship with Kenya and my integration to my new home. I thought I'm doing very well and I'm on the right track. Then, before IC I thought maybe I'm not yet integrated that well but at least I'm trying hard. During IC I realized I don't understand Kenyans yet - the way they think and the way I think is very different and there have been loads of clashes recently which made me really scared... will I ever be integrated to this culture? For a while I was afraid, that whatever hard I'm trying, I would not reach to be a "Kenyan" and I would be just a stranger. Then I realized: trying is not enough. I haven't been able to understand them cos as a European citizen, I have had such an easy life so far. Instead of trying, I have to learn now how to be grateful for all that I've got in my life, and I have to play a new role very consciously - I have to be a European in Kenya, and a Kenyan in Europe.

I also have to learn how to enjoy and how to forget about my worries. I'm too stressed, I'm thinking too much and I forget to let things just go. My mum was so right recently: I'm overplanning my life. Hakuna matata should mean something new - I shouldn't simply understand that it exists and that Kenyans are able to live this way. I myself have to start living this way. First I didn't understand why guys at IC keep telling me: "good luck and enjoy Kenya" - I think now I see what they meant.

And one more thing in brief: I've got to understand that I'm not alone. Finally. I had a great discussion with Maso for about 3 hours in Turkey, skipping a few sessions... He asked me: who are you discussing about your feelings and thoughts with? And I just realized then: I haven't had anyone to sit down with and share in a very honest way. At that point I felt really shocked, and I asked myself: am I lonely? Cos normally in cases like this I feel really lonely and normally I don't have to be reminded about talking about my feelings. This was the first time of my life when several people told me after each other: get someone to talk to. Write down what I feel. Speak it out. Trust in people around me and share. So that's what I'm going to do from now. And getting back to the question wether I'm lonely or not: no, I'm not. Instead, I'm surrounded by the greatest people of all over.

I have a new life philoshophy - getting it from Developing Leaders Day from IC. 4 simple principles: "Play. Make their day. Be there. Choose your attitude."